well, its official.  i <3 myspace and i'm using it from now on.  i'll put the link on here again just in case your silly or you forgot or something...

http://www.myspace.com/loveisaxxhoax" title="http://www.myspace.com/loveisaxxhoax" target="_blank"http://www.myspace.com/loveis...

goodbye forever my dears.

"it's all that you can do"

ok well i got the myspace going.

http://myspace.com/loveisaxxhoax" title="http://myspace.com/loveisaxxhoax" target="_blank"http://myspace.com/loveisaxxh...

enjoy, bitches.

"love me"

well i'm getting a myspace, so tiffany will leave me alone.  hehe, just kidding.  when i get it up and running, i'll post a link on here.

i desperately need a digital camera so i can actually let yall know what i look like now.  lol, jk.  but i have so many pictures i want on here.  i'd at least like a scanner.

my head hurts.

"come on baby"

*beep*
excuse me, do you have kayla miller in class?
*beep*
yes, i do.
*beep*
well could you please send her to check-out?
*beep*
yes, i will.
*beep*
thank you.
*beep*
i pack up my stuff, walk down to the office, and leave.  beautiful, right?  too bad it's not happening.

urgh, i'm in a random mood, so watch out, BiTcH.

if sex and the city

is wrong, i dont

want to be right.

the psats did not kick my ass.  i thought they would, but they didnt.  i took the practice test in the little psat booklet the night before, and then i took the actual psats on wednesday.  it really wasnt that bad.  at least i dont think it was.  there's no real way to know until the scores come back in december.

i was supposed to get my stupid id yesterday like everyone else, but no, they've lost my picture and i had to take another one today.  that means i wont have my id for at least another month or so.  rawr.

please give me a job.  i'll dance for you.  i might even make you a peanut butter sandwich.

i <333 tiffany more than life itself!  more than razors and bandaids!  and i'm not one of those people who say they'll never leave on their way out the door, so dont worry hon.

ive finally got my standardized test scheduling figured out.  i know exactley when i'm taking the sat, ghsgt, etc.  pretty sweet sweet, eh?

you're jealous, baby.

if i could eat anything, it would be delicious and "jummy" (thank you karen and sr del amo) tea pot.

if checking out is wrong, i dont want to be right.

tony finally traded the truck with the mercury, so now we at least have a car that runs and isnt horrible on gas.

however, donald STILL hasnt fixed the focus like he said he would 2 weeks ago.  i wish i knew how to fix the damn thing myself.

i'm not having my first ear surgery until the first week in november.  i'm happy bc that means i can still have my bday and halloween.  anyone doing anything spectacular on the 31st?  give me a call.  i'm still deciding on my plans.

770.369.6927

my brother's license got suspended for a year bc of his huge speeding tickets and his dui.  i hate it for him, but he kind of got what he deserved.

have i mentioned how badly i want to check out?

b-a-h-u-m-b-u-g

"me face down dead across your floor"

well...i have a lot to talk about.  i've got a mental list in my head of all the topics to cover.  bloody christ, i know i'm a nerd.

firstly, i've decided that i'm drowning in complacency and my spirit has been broken.  what happened to the person who had a defense system set up around her to guard her from the ever-oncoming pain?  what happened to girl who was systematically proud and enduring?  what happened to the preson who never apologized without meaning it, never loved with believing it, and never cried without true sorrow behind it?  i find myself bending backwards to gain other's approval.  not because i feel that i desperately need it, but because i know that if they dont approve of me, they will label me insane.  i might be insane, but at least when i'm "insane" i feel right with myself.  i dont feel walked on, pushed over, manipulated, or taken advantage of.  before, i didnt let people treat me thusly.  however, all changes in love and war.  i love my family, but it is truly war.  i'm warring against them, fighting for my right to life and love and happiness.  i'm warring against them, fighting for my right to opinions and hopes and dreams.  i'm warring against them, fighting for my right to disagree with someone yet still be mentally stable.  every argument ends with the other person telling me that maybe i just need to go talk to my physchiatrist.  "maybe it's just the affects of you coming off of prozac", they say.  how is it that, if i have a differing perspective, it's not because i'm my own person, but because i'm stressed and possibly depressed.  it's a complete cop out.  what happened to me?  i find myself more interested in maintaining peace than sacrificing my morals.  i feel fucked.  however, i think the truth is that, instead of losing my values for all time, i've really just hidden them away in a little glass container with a silver lock.  i keep the little silver key in my pocket, and on the day of my 18th birthday i will excitedly open the glass safe with my precious morality hidden away inside of it.  i will shroud myself in myself once again, like putting on a long-forgotten but continually-loved cloak.  i remember who i am.  i just have to wait one more year.

on another note...i sincerely miss tiffany.  i read her xanga and see her getting close to all of these other people and i remember back when we were young.  i remember talking to her on the phone and complaining about these very same people.  i find myself screaming inside "why is it that she's close to you and not to me?".  i'm busy, i know.  i dont go to church often, i know.  but we used to be so close and have so much fun.  now i hardley see/talk to her.  i feel sad.

there's a stupid bitch next to me in this class.  i fucking hate her.

on wednesday we had a bomb threat and it was pretty interesting.  apparantly, there was some foreign and unrecognizable package sitting (where it didnt belong) under one of the stairwells.  they evacuated the building.  the freshmen were in the student parking lot and everyone else was on the baseball field.  we were there from 9:30 am to 1:00 pm.  it was crazy.  police surrounded the entire premises, two military choppers came, two bomb squad cars, and five news station helicopters.  we were on channel 11, fox 5, wb46, and two others that i forgot.  we were so hungry, but they had no way to give us food or anything.  we had to go to the outdoor sports bathroom one at a time.  they wouldnt let any parents pick their kids up until the all clear, and they told you not to use your cell phones because it could trigger the bomb.  however, no one listened to that.  was i afraid?  did i fear for my life or my safety?  not at all.  it was a lot of fun.  i missed 3 1/2 hours of class and got to sit outside with my friends and have fun and call people on my cell phone.  it pretty much rocked.  after we got the all clear, we found out that it wasnt a bomb.  we all watched the news and saw ourselves.  so fun.  then my mom came and checked me and tesla out.  about 1/2 of the school checked out.

i'm having to wear this dumbass letter for my honors american lit class.  since we're reading 'the scarlet letter', we all had to make our own 'letter of shame' and wear it all day.  to prove it, we had to get all our teachers to sign it.  bahumbug.  lol.  it was supposed to be the first letter of your vice.  mine is a C for coldness, because when i choose, i can be really cold.

i didnt go to school yesterday because i had to go to the ear doctor.  it was an assy day just bc doctor's suck, but in particular bc i've got to get 2 more ear surgeries.  one is on my left ear bc the hole reappeared bc the patch he put on my eardrum the first time retracted, and the other one on my right ear bc my eardrum has adhered itself to my jaw bone.  that's why i cant hear worth a shit.

and i still have got to get my other 2 wisdom teeth taken out.

count it, bitch.  that's three surgeries.  i hate it.

i'm getting the left eardrum surgery on october the 21st.  there goes my birthday and halloween.  i had already bought a kickass costume, too.  sometimes, i hate everything.

we have fall break from october 21-24.  would be fun, but too bad i'll be groggy and recovering from having my ear cut in half.

we dont get columbus day off, which surprised and disappointed me.  however, its friday and i'm not in the mood to complain about how long my weekend is right now.  at least its a weekend at all.

tonight ive got to help babysit my niece and nephew.  fun fun.

i went to my sister amanda's birthday party last weekend.  it was at my other sister jenny's house, and it's such a beautiful house.  i was stunned.

my car is broken, again.  this time the ignition is jammed or something, so the car wont crank bc the key wont even turn it on.  my uncle keeps saying he'll fix it, but it's been a week and he hasnt even started.  this happened once before on the focus, and it cost $700 to get it repaired at the car shop.  we do NOT have $700 to spare.

my computer's been broken for forever, but i finally got the repair disk in the mail the other day.  however, it wouldnt work because if i repaired it, it would loose everything on my harddrive.  so i've got to wait to get a job so i can take it to a computer store myself.

suck it, bitch.

"i know this hurts"

well, i havent updated in a while.  umm...

i went down to brunswick with my mom and tesla to visit john bob.  it was so much fun.  we went to the beach and all that.  i got about a million new freckles on my arms.  lol.  i also got a new shirt from this badass store down there that doesnt have anything over $7.  it was so cool.

got back and tony had been in the house and got all his stuff and everything.  i guess i was glad about that bc i didnt have to see him.

monday and tuesday school was closed because of the gas shortage.  my nana told me that there are already some school in georgia that are going to 4 days a week because of gas.  wouldnt that rock?  i can only hope.

i had to check out wednesday when we went back bc i fucking bled all over my pants.  it sucked.  then i went to go get some chinese food while my pants were in the washing machine.  i was wearing pajamas and when i left the car to go pay for my food, of course, i lock the keys in it.  the police dont open car doors for people anymore and i didnt have my phone (it was in the car) and i only had $10 for chinese food, so i was screwed.  besides that, my gma wasnt even home bc she had went to the nursing home.  so what did i do?  i started crying my eyes out.  i was so sad.  it took me and hour and a half to find a nice man to help me out.  eventually he got it.

then on thursday i checked in late because my car wouldnt start (the key wont turn the ignition on).  of course, all the juniors were taking the ghswt so i just went back home bc, since i checked in, i couldnt go in in the middle of it.  oh well.  donald came to look at my car yesterday and he's going to come back today and fix it.

i actually went to school today.  i made up my ghswt and it was about the stupidest topic:  making a speech to senior citizens.  however, i think i did well.  i hope so, anyway.  after school my car should be fixed.  i've got to go volunteer tomorrow and i NEED that car.

i put in several applications around town, so i'm hoping against hope that i'll get a job.  somewhere, anywhere.

apparantly my new layout is scary.  lol i love brittany.  i talked to her for a little bit last night but i was sleepy.

"we want pre nupt, we want pre nupt"

well, it's been a very eventful past few days.

i had projects in multi media presentations and in honors american literature/composition.  both were due today.  so i stayed out of school to work hard on them, only to get here and find out that they've been put off until tomorrow.

i dont understand any of the trig stuff.  it's kicking my ass.

i love my new layout.

mom made tony leave yesterday and it's so amazing.

oh, and for all of you who tried to call me...i paid the bill yesterday so my phone works now.

i'm checking out at 12:30 today to go to the ear doctor.

and i got off prozac.  did i already mention that?  well, if i didnt...my phsychiatrist (spelling?  i dont care) told me that i'm stable now and i dont have to take it anymore.  woot.

also...a certain old school has something quite interesting coming up.  like tesla said "that's not a threat, it's a fact".

badaBINGbadaBOOM.

"this strange season of pain"

well, lets see.

life was horrible yesterday but awesome today.

my english teacher is a fucking prick.  he continually accuses me of plagerism (spelling?  who gives a shit) despite the fact that i've continually told him that all of my work is original.  which it is.  i dont cheat/steal other's words.  it's beginning to affect my grade bc he takes off points because i didnt "cite my sources", despite the fact that i didnt have any sources.  i need to talk to him about it.

i checked out yesterday during 2nd period and then checked back in before 5th period.  i went home and ate food and slept and smoked and it was amazing.  however, coming back was not very amazing.

i'm considering staying after school today to look into joining the literary arts magazine.  if i dont, i'll go to church instead.

i know, i know...how can i keep up with all of this?  poetry club, book club, sign language club, ecology club, noah's ark, school, homework, "the ride", peta, national honor roll, free babysitting, AND a job.  let's just say that i'm incredible, bitches.

"the ride" is a volunteer organization this saturday.  motorcyclists are riding for a cure for autism.  it's starting at atlanta beach.  i'm a register person.  woot.

i think it's really horrible when people laugh about suicide.  this guy laughed at me about it, so i told him that i'd remember to think of him when i shot myself in the fucking temple.  lol.

"in your moment of glory"

well, god i havent posted in ages so i'll try to recap everything that's been going on in my oh-so-tragic life.

i made the national honor roll.  that means you should all look for me in newspapers and shit because i'm in there, baby.

i'm still grounded, but there's only a week left and it's been kinda slack.  life is good when your momma's lenient (in some forms).

my mom went down to new orleans.  the bake sale fell through (no surprise there), so she felt "called by god" to go to new orleans to help the refugees.  she's a member of volunteer america.  she left on thursday night and went to baton rouge.  from there she met up with volunteer america and went to new orleans.  i'm so proud of her.  she's using her amazing nursing skills and helping people she doesnt even know recooperate.  how cool.  i wish i couldve gone with her, but i was in school *blah*.  since she doesnt have a cell phone (i offered for her to take mine but it only gets local service) and the power lines are down everyone there (meaning no pay phones), she can only call every once in a while when someone lets her borrow their cell phone.  i have no idea when she'll be back, but until then we're staying with my nana ("we're" meaning me, tesla, eilis, and toby).  tony's staying at the house but he's over at nana's house a lot to hang out with us (i guess he gets lonely).  my mom took like, 20 trash bags full of supplies that my family sent with her.  she also took about $400 that my sisters gave her for food and gas (considering that right now gas is a bitch).  i miss her, but i know she's doing a good thing ("a godly thing", as she would call it), so it's okay i guess.  she took my car bc its air conditioned and now i'm in the mercury until she gets back.  no ac and bad on gas, but at least it's a car (its now like i'm paying for gas anyway).

last night tesla and i went to the movie theater.  we saw "the brothers grimm".  we got there and bought our tickets at 8:00 but the movie didnt start until 9:45, so ew went to the mall with our extra $7 and hung out until it closed at 9:00.  cecily and crystal were there, so that was fun.  i got a 2 necklaces, a keychain, some eyeshadow, a fuzzy pen, and some pink sunglasses.  it was fun.  tesla got some stuff, too.  then we went to our movie and it was good.  it was...a little creepy in parts and very confusing, but the acting was good and i liked it, for the most part.

then today i woke up at about 10:00 and me and tesla went to the mall again.  cecily and crystal werent there this time, lol.  i got 2 spiked bracelets, a hott pink star necklace, a new purse, and some cute pink plaid socks.  then we met tony at the library bc tesla wanted to get some books, lol what a nerd (just kidding).  then we went back to nana's house with tony and hung out for a while.  cecily called me and said that she and crystal were going to see "the brothers grimm" and wanted to know if it was any good.  then tony's brother called and wanted me to babysit at 4:00 for his two daugheters, cheyenne and sierra (cheyenne's 3 and sierra's 2, but she has autisum-meaning that she doesnt talk, she's anitsocial, and she's still in diapers...but she does do sign language, which i think is cool).  i've babysat them a million times before, and i love those kids, i just hate it that their parents take advantage of me so much...they always say theyll pay me and all that, but they never do.  so that was at about 2:30.  i got ready and left.  it is now 10:00 and they're probably not going to be back until 12:00 or so.  it took me TWO HOURS to get the little one (sierra...with autism) to sleep bc she souldnt let me sit down or put her down...so i had to hold her for two hours and just kind of sway until she went to sleep.  cheyenne went to sleep on her own on the couch watching "harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban"...how anyone could sleep during that movie, i dont know.  so i came down to the basement to get online.  they have aol (which i hate) and dial up and you cant "talk and surf at the same time", but it's much better than nothing.  they've actually got a pretty sweet set up down here...there's a nice computer desk, cristmas lights all around, a couch and a tv/vcr combo.  as of now, i'm smoking my last cigarette and watching "the rocky horror picture show".  good times.  hopefully they'll be back pretty soon because i'm getting tired and i have to get up for church tomorrow...but they never care how late they make me stay up.  theyre just somewhat inconsiderate like that.  but they're really poor and they're family and they're really good people and they need the help and i love their kids, so i guess i dont mind.  i'm just in a bitchy mood.

while i was babysitting i talked to my friends lol.  i talked to honey, allan, chris, and kyle.  surprisingly, kyle is going to homecoming tonight and i almost vomitted just thinking about it.  urgh...homecoming...who goes to those stupid things?

last sunday i went and played softball with tony's side of the family.  it was so fun because i got to hang out with daniel, who is my number-one homie.  lol, he's awesome.  i didnt actually play softball, though.  me and daniel were too cool for that, so we played football together and i soo kicked his ass.  dont believe me?  come play me.  i'll kick your ass, too.  lol.

well this has been a sufficiently long post.

"this train is bound for glory"

if i prayed, i would pray for the victoms of katrina's wrath.

however, i dont pray.  so what am i doing instead to help these people?

having a bake sale, of course.

actually, i'm doing that and several other things to raise money for the louisiana refugees that are staying in atlanta.

help out if you can.

"these same white pills"

my eyes are leaky and my heart is heavy.

i'm soo tired of being here, i'm dying to check out, go home, and have a cigarette and some food.  however, i cant do this because i'm a good student, bitch.

i want to hang out with people and have fun but i'm grounded.  grr.  oh well.

i really want to see 'the skeleton key' and 'red eye' and 'the exorcism of emily rose' and 'the cave' and some other stuffs, too.

but, like i said, i'm grounded.  bah.

suck my dick, bitches.

"i wish i was like you: easily amused"

does anyone else feel like vomitting?

i really, honest to god, feel sick.  like, really sick.  i think i'm about to yak all over this computer.  my stomach is cringing and my heart's barely beating.  i cant breathe really well.  i cant decide between letting my tears flow or letting the bile in my stomach come up through my esophagus, into my mouth, and all over the place.  crying vs. vomitting.  hard choice.  i just dont feel well and i know why.

i'm so sad and it's making me physically ill.  i want someone to love and to love me, because i know that if i had that, all these other petty things wouldnt phase me.

god if i had a gun i'd shoot myself in the fucking temple just to be rid of this feeling.

i'm going to try to discuss something else to distract my mind from the nausea...

my 3rd period teaching is MIA.  god knows where he is.  the class is going crazy.

my friend karen wants to date me, but i said nooo.  lol.  she's awesome, but i just dont like her like that.

i bought a bunch of new makeup yesterday.  it was lots of fun.

tesla's new blog is the shit, i love it.

i've discovered the crisis of our times: marijuana.  what do i mean?  i mean that entire corporations are spending their time creating propaganda promoting anti-drug usage, when there are babies being killed and people dying of starvation.  the point is that EVERYONE smokes pot.  absolutely everyone.  your mom smokes pot.  your dad smokes pot.  so does your uncle, aunt, and grandma.  your neighbor, best friend, and teachers are all stoners.  the only reason i'm not is because i dont like it.  if i actually liked it, hell yeah i'd smoke it (why else do i smoke cigarettes?  because i like them).  the thing is...why are all of these organizations focusing their eyes on dope when there are so much more important things occurring in the world that need our attention, action, and support?  it's ludicrous.  marijuana hasnt gained momentum in the past 10 years, the government's focus on it has.  there is no different affects in marijuana then there are in alcohol, so why is marijuana illegal and beer isnt?  what the difference between vodka and grass?  there isnt one.  marijuana doesnt hurt you, hinder you, or cause you any harm except for a momentary buzz (as does alcohol).  yes, there are long-term affects such as liver problems that alcohol creates.  but why, then, if the consequences are so simliar, are so many people opposed to weed?  i think it's ridiculous.  we need to focus on things like cocaine and heroine, not marijuana.  more than that, we need to focus on the war in iraq, the aids crisis, the killing of innocent animals, and the hunger epidemic in africa.

i'm done.

"i hope he is a gentleman"

yay, new layout finally.  i like it a lot, because it took a lot of time on paint shop pro to do it.  actually, i think i might orgasm right now just looking at it.  hehe.  i know it's hard to read, but that's the price i'm willing to pay for such an awesome background (i know, i know, i'm incredible...yeah right).

well, i'm back in school.  yesterday there was a dermatologist appointment so i didnt get here until 1:20.  today tesla didnt want to go to 1st period, so we got here at 9:30.  bah.

my mom has a toothache and i feel really bad for her.

grounding is nearly as bad as i thought.

my fingers are numb.

"nothing's wrong with me"

being grounded isnt so bad, and school is awesome.  i dont know why, just because i love my friends and, even though my classes are hard, i love them, too.

<3<3<3

i want to make a new layout for this, but i never have time in class.  i actually need to be working on an assignment for american lit right now, but i decided to put it off.  im procrastinating bitch.

<3<3<3

if you think you've got problems, call me and just listen to me talk, okay?  i'll show you what problems are.  ha, just kidding.  really, things arent that bad and i could kick ass in any fight just because i'm that motivated, baby.

<3<3<3

be afraid, be very afraid.  i've got an ap us history test in 2 periods and i'm a little worried about it.  that is the hardest class i've ever taken, but so much fun and so worth it.  mr midkiff's awesome.

"you're running out of places"

well today's decent, i suppose.  i got here early (at 7:30) to take a make-up AP US History test.  i have to finish it after school.

this weekend was insane.  quick recap:

friday:  was supposed to babysit, bullshitted my way out of that.  said i was going to tiffany's but went to crystal's to hang out with her and cecily.  my car wouldnt start when i was ready to leave at 11:00.  crystal and cecily give me a ride home.

saturday:  go with tony to fix my car.  get it running bc it was the fuel filter and go home.  mom calls from boston and asks why i was at cecily's grandmother's house (that's where i told everyone i broke down).  i tell her that i stopped there on my way home from tiffany's to say hey and then the car wouldnt start.  i'm grounded for a year.

sunday:  contemplate killing myself bc i think i'm going to have to go back to riverwoods, then decide to wait until i know for sure.  mom calls and says shes sorry she overreacted.  now i'm just grounded for a month.  no cell phone and only driving to and from school.  not so bad.  next time i'll just be more careful.

crystal's cousin hot allan called me on friday but never called back.  he probably realized what a mistake he was making.

i'm still coughing my head off but it's okay.  i got tesla sick, too, and i feel bad.

tesla's having drama, but i refuse to take sides or join in because it's none of my business.  but i still love everyone.

"assuming that this weekend"

well throughout all of this HORRIBLE news, i finally have some good news.

i got a cell phone, thank-mother-fucking-you.  i'll put the number on here so all of my lovelies can call me...bc my computer is broken (there's another shitty thing) so i cant activate my address book.

770 369 6927

yes that's my new number.  our contract ended with cingular, so my mom wanted to get metropcs, which is fine with me as long as i have a phone.  it's just the very basic plan (unlimited local), so i havent got caller id, long distance, or voicemail.  yet.  when i find a new job, i'll put all of that stuff on there.  it also isnt a super cute phone, but it works so i'm happy.

at least now, if i break down on the side of the road, i have a way to call someone.

i feel like i have no friends although tonight i'm going out with tiffany.

actually, scratch that.  i'm excited about going out tonight and it'll be fun, baby.

"i've got nothing real, just empty spaces to fill"

a LOT of shit happened.

friday:  have tons of homework, got sexually harrassed at work, came home really upset to see that my car wont be out of the shop until monday.

saturday:  wake up to realize that brittany and shana's gma passed away.  my brother is put in jail for dui.  my sister needs my mom to come to boston to help her move to nj.  i get terribly sick.

sunday:  wake up at 4 am to go to the hospital bc i'm sick.  get home rest all day.

monday:  dont go to school bc i'm sick.  go to library for 4 hours to do homework.  call my job and tell them that i quit.  leave at 6 pm to go to south carolina for the funeral.

tuesday: get to sc at 1 am, sleep until 8 am.  go to the funeral.  drive home.  get home at 8 or so.  do homework.  go to bed.

today: get to school early to get my parking pass.  do assloads of make up work.  wish i was dead because i feel like shit.  check out at 2:45 to go to the orthodontist.

is anyone jealous of my shitty life?

i think not.

"there's volumes in the forest no one reads out loud"

i feel like dying because i'm so sad.

what can i say?  i'm emo.

i'm very lonely.

everyones starting to get serious with relationships, bc in a year we're all out of here and into the "real world", and no one wants to face that alone.  however, i have no one and im so upset about it.  i just want someone to love.  i know this is the same thing that i've wanted since...god...forever, but it gets more/less pressing with my mood.  when certain things remind me of how alone i am, i get sad.  usually i can push it to the back of my mind when i'm busy with school and work, but last night i couldnt sleep because i was just thinking about all of the beautiful people in the world that dont know i exist.  i'm such a fucker.

god.

shoot me.

"you're bored of cheering me up"

well it's third period again, and its actually not as cold as it usually is.  there are some people in this school that hardcore stink.

i gave cecily her birhtday present before this period and she liked it, so i'm happy.  i saw her yesterday after school and found out that her lj's messed up bc she got a tatoo (which is really cute) and her mom found out and made her stop the lj.  that sucks so much, i hate it for her.

i have SO much ap us history homework it's not even funny. bah hum bug.  it's going to be a very busy weekend.  i worked my ass off on it last night and i made a little headway, but still.

i want a cigarette so bad i could slit my wrists.

"best friends means"

in third period, as always.  i think we're going to get internet at my house, which is exciting and that will eliminate the trips to the library and so forth.  then i can actually im people again.  my sn is still imbleedingemo.  i get on aim express at school, but no one's ever on from 11:00-11:40.  bah.  if you're reading this, log on and talk to me.

my spanish teacher, senor del amo, talks in spanish WAY too much.  he never speaks in english and it makes it really hard to know what the hell he's trying to communicate to us.  oh well.

i'm going to the dermatologist tomorrow, so i'm not going to be at school until about 1:00 or so.  good for me, bad for my grades and shit.

i never see cecily and i'm so sad about it.  and something happened to her lj, which is confusing.  then again, it could just be that i got blocked or something like that.

tiffany has started to go to uturn and stuff like that again, so i'm going to go with her next thursday after my car gets out of the shop.  we're going to go out to eat afterwards and then i'll take her home and then spend the night with my nana.  sounds fun, right?

my schedule for working during the school year is that i'll work mondays, wednesdays, and fridays after school.  i'll also work every other saturday.  that's a good plan, because i've also got to schedule volunteering in there, plus make room for all my homework plus all the standardized tests i've got to take this year (sat, ghsgt, ap exam, and psat).

"i hope you sing along and you steal a line"

god i'm tired and its freezing in this class.

sometimes i feel like dying just because it would eliminate the monotony of it all.  it would be exciting, an adventure.  something to stir the blood and awaken the senses.

my senses are dulled from sex, drugs, and rock n roll.  not really.  just from school.  those are the things that keep me going.

i dont have any classes with cecily or brittany so i'm sad.  and i still havent gotten to give cecily her gift.  i've been dragging it around in my bookbag.  so sad.

my schedule's actually decent, though.  it's honors american lit./composition, spanish II, multi-media presentations, advanced algebra/trigonometry, AP us history, and anatomy/physiology.  it's decent.  all my teachers are men except for my anatomy teacher.  lol i actually like men teachers, i dont know why.

today after school i'm going to go by and see mr lou.

tesla's been doing really well and has adjusted perfectly, so i'm so happy for her.

"dont be cruel to a heart this true"

hmm...

hung out with cecily and crystal.  assloads of fun.  i love them, they rock.

got cecily's birthday gift, but have failed to give it to her yet.  although she knows what it is.

hung out with tiffany and did illegal driving.  lol.  *pinch nose* soldier boy!

tiffany was at church, and that was fun, too.

i finished my ap homework.

school starts in 2 weeks.

i backed my car into a tree about a week ago.  it was practically totalled, but it's in the shop as of now.

honey and michelle got married on the 21st, which was my uncle ronald's birthday.  it's also during gay and lesbian history month, which i think is badass.

honey's going to be here this saturday.  woot.

my mom's 50th birthday is tomorrow, but we're having the party this saturday.  fun fun.  i'm taking her to my work and letting her pick our $60 worth of flowers.  i'm excited about it, i love giving people presents.

i havent done any school clothes shopping, because i'm poor as hell, bitches.

and cecily, those lyrics were about drew.  he has blue eyes, right?  i couldnt even remember, but i'm pretty sure he does.  you would know better than me, i guess.  lol.  it's funny, ever since that conversation we had, i dont even fucking care.  i'm liberated, thanks to you.

i love you all.

bitches.

"blurring the visions"

"everything, everything i ever wanted is

buried alive in your lies

pretty blue eyes

and everything that you do

makes me want to

pull the fucking trigger."

yes, yes.  beautiful song lyrics from me.  i know i rock.

i'm going to the movies with tiffany woot woot.  on saturday.

kickkkkk asssssss, bitcccchh.

hollaback young'n.

"i need to keep you like this"

i wrote this big, long blog last week.  but it didnt post and i lost it.  now all the news that i thought i had has slipped my mind.  obviously it's not that important.

well...i'll try to get everyone up-to-speed to the best of my ability.

i got my license.  my truck's a piece of shit, so my mom gave me her focus.  i was very happy with that.  now tony's driving the truck and my mom is driving the cougar.

i got a raise in my job, bitch.  lol i was excited.  i'm seriously considering having sex with phillip or charles from work.  haha, yeah right.  but they are really nice guys.

i made the national honor roll.  it's a really big deal and i'm excited about it.  it will be published the end of this year.  i get a $1,000 scholarship and recommendations to my top 2 colleges.  and i might get to be in the local papers.  so look out, beacuse emory and columbia are now in-the-know on how awesome i am.  sure.

work sucks but the people are nice, so i guess i couldnt really ask for more.

there's a guy across from my computer (at the library, where else) that is completly gay.  he's got headphones on and he's blaring "rich girl" by gwen stefani.  i love gay boys.

or maybe he's just bi.  either way, it's hott.  and he's cute, too.  woot.

i love getting paid.  i go to the mall every weekend, so meet me up there sometime and we'll shop together.

tonia and i have been talking again, and i'm really glad.  so are me and tiffany.  we're actually going to go see "charlie and the chocolate factory" together.  woot.  cecily and i have been talking alot, too.  that makes me really happy.

and her and crystal got married, and of course it's so sweet.  they came over about a week or two ago and helped me put air in my tires.  their rings are beautiful and you can just tell that they're in love.

everyone's in love but me, damnit.

i need someone to bone.

ha, just kidding.  but i do miss feeling like i actually matter to someone.

other than tesla, of course.

well...i'm volunteering in 10 minutes and i want a cigarette.

i rock.

you suck.

get over it,

bitches.

"knowing that it kills me to breathe you in"

well i'm hopelessly hopeful you're just hopeless enough.

and why is it that everyone moves on but i stand still?

i'm babysitting and volunteering tuesday.

i'm getting my license wednesday.

i'm getting my wisdom teeth taken out on thursday.

i'm working friday.

life's a bitch.

i want to be in a band.

okay?

okay.

i hate it when people write "OK" vs. okay.  i think it looks cheap to just write two letters.

"are you, nobody, too?"